Be The Pretzel

A number of my coworkers engage in the absurd practice of Yoga. Anytime the conversation around the office gravitates towards that subject, I refrain from making too many comments in order to hide my complete ignorance. As far as I know, Yoga consists of a bunch of men and women in eighties aerobic outfits twisting their bodies into unnatural positions while meditating and chanting Chinese anecdotes. Rather than take the time to figure out what it is all about, I have always chosen to take the high road, which consists of simply judging anyone who participates. Recently I convinced myself to give Yoga a shot purely to enlighten myself on the subject. As it turns out I was right all along. Throughout the hour-long class I was twisted like a pretzel while the Yoga instructor morphed into Confucius and began spewing forth Chinese proverbs and other words of wisdom. I faintly recall her saying “be excellent to each other” at some point. It was a pretty strange and awkward experience. I'll probably only go once or twice more... this week.

Golden Tickets are Worth Their Weight in Paper

My brother Shaun decided to audition for American Idol this year. He auditioned way out in South Carolina for some strange reason, and was talented and lucky enough to make it to Hollywood Week. As great as that was, I could tell he was a little disappointed that when he got his “Golden Ticket”, nobody filmed his screaming tantrum as he ran out the judges’ door and tackled Ryan Seacrest with tears running down his face, yelling that he was on TV. A little ironic don’t you think, Shaun?

Hollywood Week aired yesterday, and while his few minutes of fame were overshadowed by Simon’s repeated and inappropriate comments about how handsome Shaun was, he did make it through all the cuts along with only 50 other potential rock/pop superstars - one of whom had a terrible audition, but maybe because he was living in his beat up Chevy and had no friends, they let him through.

At this point Shaun was feeling pretty good about his chances, although he had a few doubts when the three singers after him got “a million percent yes!” votes from Paula and he only got “one hundred percent yes.” How disappointing to only get a hundred percent.

For those of you out there who have been following the back story American Idol did on him during audition week as well as the follow-up story during Hollywood Week (see non-existent footage for more details), you’ll be sad to know that his hopes for American Idol fame came to a humiliating and depressing end as the judges forced him to wear a brown bag over his head and exit the premises. WARNING: SHAMELESS PLUG - Rather than dwell on the embarrassment I will undoubtedly face for having a brother that only made it to the top 50 on American Idol, I decided to listen to some music Shaun recently released. I found it to be much more enjoyable than most albums that have resulted from American Idol. Buy it at http://cdbaby.com/cd/barrowes5. If you want a hard copy of the CD, that will release in the near future.

Speaking of Great Cars

I recently bought a new car and now I'm falling in love all over again. My new model is younger, sexier, and brings more to the table than my previous model. But as wonderful as she is, she wasn't able to keep me from lusting after a sweet car parked in front of my house. Not only was it stylish and roomy, it was one fast car. I could tell because of the spoiler on the back and the custom rims. Man, what a sweet ride.

Better To Have Loved And Lost...

When I graduated from college and got my first real full-time job, I bought a great car. This car was with me for many years, through a lot of good times and bad times.

About three months ago a teenage girl was driving while text messaging on her phone and smashed her car into my parked car, totaling it. (God rest its soul). After saying my last goodbyes to my fallen friend and watching with tears in my eyes as it was towed away to its final resting place, I couldn’t help but think that I needed a girl as great as my car. She rarely asked for money (It was a 'she'). She never got jealous when another car caught my eye. And finally, when she died, she left me money to go find someone else. What I wouldn’t give to find a girl like that.