Gymnausea

I went to the gym today as I normally do 2-3 times a week. Typically when I finish the weight-lifting portion of my workout, I complete my workout with at least thirty minutes on the exercise bike while I read a book - which is pretty much the only time I ever read a book.

Today was not typical. It was not because I was too tired or too lazy. In fact, I had plenty of energy and had my book in hand. I hopped on the bike and began cycling/reading. About ten minutes into my workout and only part way through the chapter, my nose suddenly curled up and I could barely breathe. I am pretty sure I went in and out of consciousness at least twice. There was a slight haze between me and my book, rendering me physically and mentally unable to continue to read.

It didn't take me long to realize why my body was swiftly shutting down. A fellow gym member, completely drenched in sweat and emitting a gnarly odor, had hopped on the bike next to me. To keep from dry heaving in public, falling lifeless to the floor, and then experiencing uncontrollable seizures, I mustered all the strength I had left, slid off my bike, and dragged myself to the men's locker room where (sadly) the air was fresher.I understand that people sweat at the gym. I have no problem with this. But I think it should be mandatory for all gyms to have some kind of offense-o-meter, and if a person's stank registers above the breathable imit, they are immediately escorted off the premises.

Independence Day Eve

On the eve of the anniversary of this great nation's independence, and in anticipation of the parade celebrating our nation's independence, I had the great and mighty responsibility of ensuring that my borders were protected from outsiders who might try to infiltrate and ultimately settle on my lawn for the duration of the parade.

According to the city of Huntington Beach, the morning of July 3 at 7 AM is the earliest anyone is allowed to claim a spot on main street for the 4th of July parade. You might think that this a morning where everyone would feel the comradery and spirit of unity that joined this nation together, that we would all be laughing and shaking hands and getting excited together about the upcoming festivities. Instead, everyone acts like it is the Oklahoma Sooners rush. With their stakes in hand, the masses of people are crowding each other out and just waiting until the whistle blows to drive the stakes into the strips of land on Main Street that they want to claim for the parade. I watched as a cop broke up an argument across the street that took place because a girl was sitting under a tree that belonged to a neighbor who wanted the spot for the parade, and the girl had gotten there before 7 AM. That cop laughed and told me that the 5th of July couldn't come soon enough. Another cop lady with a heavy smokers voice and the meanest scowl I've ever seen drove by and yelled at people. I think she was just trying to make sure we were all miserable in preparation for the 4th.

My initial reaction was to shake my head and look down upon all these people for their petty skirmishes and selfish behavior, believing that they were all acting childish and unpatriotic. But then I asked myself, "what would the founding fathers do if they were here?" If I remember correctly, they all fought and yelled at each other up until the last second before the Declaration of Independence was signed. Therefore, it only makes sense that they would probably be protesting and making a scene in the same manner as my neighbors. I was immediately filled with a sense of pride and patriotism as I knocked over the chairs and pulled out the stakes of the people next to me. Happy Independence Day!

My Car, The Hero

A car oftentimes resembles its owner, but not always. It isn't usually a conscious decision for a person to choose a car that represents him/her; an owner in many cases will just naturally gravitate towards the car that fits their personality. For instance, a superficial person will usually ride around in a flashier car, a frugal (or cheap) person will most likely drive an economic car, and a redneck will feel most at home when cruising around in an El Camino or a broken down school bus (or maybe a mobile home, although that may be considered more of a hybrid car). I have an Infiniti G35, and while we both possess a sleak, sexy exterior and a lot of amazing features, I have had my doubts about whether my car does me justice. This past weekend at a beach house in La Jolla, CA my doubts were put to rest.

This weekend I drove my car down to La Jolla to reunite with some college friends along with their significant others, kids, etc... As the weekend drew to a close, I along with three of my friends, the wife of one of my friends, and my friend's one-year old baby decided to go to the beach one last time. After showing off my mad boogie boarding skills to the amazement of those around me, I decided to take a breather and headed for the shore. As I reached my towel, my friend's wife approached me without her baby and in a state of complete hysteria, screaming for me to get our group out of the water and head home immediately. I had no idea where her baby was, and internally I began to panic.

After getting everyone out of the water, she informed us that the baby was safely in the house. This calmed me down until she explained that she had just witnessed our friend's five-year-old inadvertently slip and fall 25 feet from the second-story balcony onto the driveway below. A fall like that could have had very tragic results. As luck would have it, however, a knight in shining silver armor arrived in the nick of time and reached out its hood to catch the little tyke, breaking his fall and allowing him to escape the whole incident with only a few minor scrapes and bruises and a night in the Emergency Room.
My car sacrificed life and limb (and dented hood) for the life of another. It did exactly what I would have done if I were a big metal machine that had been sitting in the driveway for hours upon end in exactly the same spot all day. And it occurred to me at that moment that my car and I weren't so different after all.