Randomly awesome thoughts

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Would You Rather

I've never really cared much for the "Would You Rather" game. For those who aren't familiar with this game, "Would You Rather" is played by simply presenting two ludicrous choices to someone and forcing them to pick one. Once they've made their choice, they present an equally challenging set of choices right back at you. This game goes on and on for hours of fun until everyone is out of questions or until someone "would rather" play something else, which usually happens within the first few minutes. Not only do I have a difficult time determining any logical basis behind any of my answers (including my decision to agree to hit every red light for the rest of my life rather than be wrong for the rest of my life and my decision to have a magnetized head rather than have my eyes glued shut), I'm not creative enough under pressure to pose any good questions.

That said, I was playing "Would You Rather" this morning and I came up with a great though-provoking question - "Would you rather have water leak through your ceiling directly onto your head at 3 AM the day you are planning to leave for vacation OR would you rather look like Colonel Sanders for the rest of your life?" As I lay in my bed this morning with water dripping on my face, I couldn't help but envy the Colonel.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Happy Anniversary

It's been one year since the birth and death of my brain tumor. I could spend this blog post dwelling on all the negative things that this tumor caused, such as the week I went completely blind, the actual brain surgery, the two months of recovery following my brain surgery, the permanent scar from the brain surgery, or the awkward catheter experience that required me to show off my 'special purpose' to various nurses and have one of them very painfully 'fix things'.

However, I am not one to typically speak ill of the dead. Therefore I will simply state that if it hadn't been for my tumor, I would never have been able to experience the joy of using a handicapped parking pass.

Happy anniversary!

Monday, September 8, 2008

Only 1,042 More Days Til London

I love the Olympics, but I'm not really sure why. It's almost like that bowl of mediocre candy on my desk that I can't stop eating even though it isn't that great, only in this case the mediocre candy was totally satisfying. That said, here are my top ten favorite things about the 2008 olympics:
  1. Synchronized Swimming - When America did their routine, I stood up from my couch at home and clapped and hollered. It was such a silly event full of perma-grin smiles and coordinated feet swirling that I couldn't help but be entertained (at least for one performance). It was almost as good as Martin Short's SNL synchronized swimming skit with the life jacket. It was fantastic.
  2. The 4x100 Freestyle - I can probably count on one finger the number of times I jumped out of my seat because I was nervous/excited about the way a swimming race was going to finish. Kudos to Lezak for beating out the smarmy French!
  3. Michael Phelps - He may have won, but he obviously cheated. It's not fair to have a dolphin swimming against human.
  4. Beating the Chinese in medal count - They may have technically won more gold medal events, but the USA is taking home more gold medals since many of our gold medals were in team events. Take that, cheaters!
  5. Watching people get recognized for excellence in sports that probably have less than 50 competitors in the world, including such events as competitive Badminton, Ping Pong, Horse Dressing, Trampoline, Fencing (now called the Sabre event), Handball, and Thumb Wrestling.
  6. Women's Hoola Hoop Gymnastics - Just kidding. I couldn't watch this. Too painful.
  7. Realizing that little islands make you run fast, as demonstrated by Jamaica, Trinidad and Tobago, and Bermuda, who all had some of the fastest sprinters. And who ever thought a guy named 'Bolt' would actually grow up to be fast? That's like predicting that a guy named 'Toothache' would grow up to be a dentist or a guy named 'Shoemaker' would grow up to own a Chinese sweatshop.
  8. Watching a scary looking American woman hurl a discus for the gold, beating out a scary looking Chinese woman and a scary looking Italian woman.
  9. Watching our beloved USA basketball team finally take home the gold again.
  10. Having something exciting to do every night for two weeks.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Bummin in So Cal

About a month ago while driving to Albertsons with a couple of homeless bums, I realized just how much we have in common. Just like these bums, I eat, drink, sleep, and use the bathroom. Unlike these bums, you can't smell which ones I have done the most recently.

I'm not typically the kind of guy to give rides to homeless people. In this case I happened to be watching a Muse live concert DVD at my house with a few friends of mine, and we were expecting more friends to join us. The lights were all off and I heard a knock at my door, so I yelled for my friends to come on in. The door opened and my supposed friend entered without saying a word. I began to wonder which friends of mine might on a given day possibly smell like beer and urine (I could only think of two, and they were not in town). I flipped on the light and found a homeless man standing in my living room. He asked for a ride to the store, and I obliged - mostly because as far as I know these bums have nothing better to do all day than to break into houses of people who don't give them rides to the store. When we got to the store, the bum offered me money for gas. I was tempted to take it just so I could cross "take money from a homeless man" off my bucket list, but I decided better of it.

Sunday, July 20, 2008


I went to the gym today as I normally do 2-3 times a week. Typically when I finish the weight-lifting portion of my workout, I complete my workout with at least thirty minutes on the exercise bike while I read a book - which is pretty much the only time I ever read a book.

Today was not typical. It was not because I was too tired or too lazy. In fact, I had plenty of energy and had my book in hand. I hopped on the bike and began cycling/reading. About ten minutes into my workout and only part way through the chapter, my nose suddenly curled up and I could barely breathe. I am pretty sure I went in and out of consciousness at least twice. There was a slight haze between me and my book, rendering me physically and mentally unable to continue to read.

It didn't take me long to realize why my body was swiftly shutting down. A fellow gym member, completely drenched in sweat and emitting a gnarly odor, had hopped on the bike next to me. To keep from dry heaving in public, falling lifeless to the floor, and then experiencing uncontrollable seizures, I mustered all the strength I had left, slid off my bike, and dragged myself to the men's locker room where (sadly) the air was fresher.I understand that people sweat at the gym. I have no problem with this. But I think it should be mandatory for all gyms to have some kind of offense-o-meter, and if a person's stank registers above the breathable imit, they are immediately escorted off the premises.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Independence Day Eve

On the eve of the anniversary of this great nation's independence, and in anticipation of the parade celebrating our nation's independence, I had the great and mighty responsibility of ensuring that my borders were protected from outsiders who might try to infiltrate and ultimately settle on my lawn for the duration of the parade.

According to the city of Huntington Beach, the morning of July 3 at 7 AM is the earliest anyone is allowed to claim a spot on main street for the 4th of July parade. You might think that this a morning where everyone would feel the comradery and spirit of unity that joined this nation together, that we would all be laughing and shaking hands and getting excited together about the upcoming festivities. Instead, everyone acts like it is the Oklahoma Sooners rush. With their stakes in hand, the masses of people are crowding each other out and just waiting until the whistle blows to drive the stakes into the strips of land on Main Street that they want to claim for the parade. I watched as a cop broke up an argument across the street that took place because a girl was sitting under a tree that belonged to a neighbor who wanted the spot for the parade, and the girl had gotten there before 7 AM. That cop laughed and told me that the 5th of July couldn't come soon enough. Another cop lady with a heavy smokers voice and the meanest scowl I've ever seen drove by and yelled at people. I think she was just trying to make sure we were all miserable in preparation for the 4th.

My initial reaction was to shake my head and look down upon all these people for their petty skirmishes and selfish behavior, believing that they were all acting childish and unpatriotic. But then I asked myself, "what would the founding fathers do if they were here?" If I remember correctly, they all fought and yelled at each other up until the last second before the Declaration of Independence was signed. Therefore, it only makes sense that they would probably be protesting and making a scene in the same manner as my neighbors. I was immediately filled with a sense of pride and patriotism as I knocked over the chairs and pulled out the stakes of the people next to me. Happy Independence Day!

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

My Car, The Hero

A car oftentimes resembles its owner, but not always. It isn't usually a conscious decision for a person to choose a car that represents him/her; an owner in many cases will just naturally gravitate towards the car that fits their personality. For instance, a superficial person will usually ride around in a flashier car, a frugal (or cheap) person will most likely drive an economic car, and a redneck will feel most at home when cruising around in an El Camino or a broken down school bus (or maybe a mobile home, although that may be considered more of a hybrid car). I have an Infiniti G35, and while we both possess a sleak, sexy exterior and a lot of amazing features, I have had my doubts about whether my car does me justice. This past weekend at a beach house in La Jolla, CA my doubts were put to rest.

This weekend I drove my car down to La Jolla to reunite with some college friends along with their significant others, kids, etc... As the weekend drew to a close, I along with three of my friends, the wife of one of my friends, and my friend's one-year old baby decided to go to the beach one last time. After showing off my mad boogie boarding skills to the amazement of those around me, I decided to take a breather and headed for the shore. As I reached my towel, my friend's wife approached me without her baby and in a state of complete hysteria, screaming for me to get our group out of the water and head home immediately. I had no idea where her baby was, and internally I began to panic.

After getting everyone out of the water, she informed us that the baby was safely in the house. This calmed me down until she explained that she had just witnessed our friend's five-year-old inadvertently slip and fall 25 feet from the second-story balcony onto the driveway below. A fall like that could have had very tragic results. As luck would have it, however, a knight in shining silver armor arrived in the nick of time and reached out its hood to catch the little tyke, breaking his fall and allowing him to escape the whole incident with only a few minor scrapes and bruises and a night in the Emergency Room.
My car sacrificed life and limb (and dented hood) for the life of another. It did exactly what I would have done if I were a big metal machine that had been sitting in the driveway for hours upon end in exactly the same spot all day. And it occurred to me at that moment that my car and I weren't so different after all.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Pappy's Day

Being Father's Day, I felt it would be appropriate to reflect on some experiences I've had with big poppa that show off his fatherly qualities. I've listed the first five qualities that came to my mind as I was writing this.
1. Love for Others - When I was probably six or seven, my family visited either an old folks home or a mental hospital, I’m not sure which. An old crazy man gestured to me to sit on his lap, but I cowered back and hugged my dad’s leg. Instead of saving me from the old guy, my dad pried me off of his leg and stuck me on the man’s lap. While my dad's intentions were good, to this day I am still traumatized by the memories of the old guy squeezing the life out of my little, fragile frame as he mumbled some gibberish over the top of my blood-curdling screams. Because of that, to this day I’m a little skittish about visiting nursing homes, mental hospitals, and old people farms. So if you ask or even beg me to do service of this nature and I turn you down, just blame my father. That's not what I do, but it might make you feel better about being rejected to your face.

2. Ability to Teach Us the Danger of Tattling - My parents gave me my first driving lesson at the ripe old age of six. We were on our way to church and all the kids were told to get in the car. I hopped into the drivers seat and shifted the gear into Neutral. As the Bronco rolled backwards out of the driveway and into the street, my older brother Lanny heroically sprung out of the car, rolling on the ground to slow himself down. He ran inside and alerted my parents, who were on their way out. By the time my dad walked outside and saw what had happened, he got so upset and caught off guard that he spanked Lanny, which settled him down enough to forgo the spanking and instead give me a lecture all the way to church. I'm still trying to decide who got it the worst.

3. Happiness in Modest Living - I had the opportunity a few years ago to sit in courtside seats with my dad at a Jazz game. After the fancy buffet we were escorted down to our prime seating area. We enjoyed seeing the game up close, and at the same time learned how fun it can be to look down on all the pitiful regular fans that don't have special seats. What a bunch of losers!

4. Work Ethic - One of my favorite things to do as a kid was to wake up on Saturday morning and watch cartoons such as Smurfs, Transformers, and other great shows. On many occasions pappy would walk into the TV room and see that we "weren't doing anything", and then direct us to prepare for a day in the sun. We'd proceed to go outside and work in the yard for the remainder of the day. But what really sticks out to me is that of all the times we worked in the yard, he never once complained about missing out on all the great cartoons.

5. Ability to Expound on the Truths of Life - Daddeo has always been a fountain of wisdom. All growing up I found myself taking to heart all the things that he said. As I got older, I realized he was just quoting movie lines. I have always taken comfort in the fact that he raised me with Hollywood values and at the same time helped me gain an appreciation for movies and TV.

In addition to the qualities mentioned above, I probably could mention how he walked to work when we lived in Alaska so we could have a car to take us to school, or how he has always provided enough money so that my mom didn't have to work. But for the sake of time and interest I will leave it at those five for now. And dad, I wrote this post because "I just want you to feel you're doing well. I hate for people to die embarrassed." (Quote courtesy of Princess Bride, circa 1987). Happy Father's Day.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

What Everyone Looks For In A Drink

When deciding on a tasty beverage to drink, we all consider the taste, the price, and of course, the drinkability. There is nothing worse than going to the store to buy a drink and finding out that it is not very drinkable. That's why I'm glad that I saw the commercial for Miller Lite (or maybe it was Budweiser or Coors, I can never remember). I learned that not only does it taste good, it has great drinkability. I wish more products were as specific as this in their commercials. I'm always looking for a shirt with great wearability or a chair with great sitability. Maybe I'll go get one of these drinkable drinks while I come up with examples that don't suck quite so bad.

Monday, June 9, 2008

Mountain Magic

An amusement park can be magical place. I'm not necessarily talking about Disneyland. I have nothing specifically against Disneyland, and it's a fine place to go if I've got nothing else to do. (Of course, it seems that most of the things I have done in my life have happened as a result of me deciding I had nothing better to do at the moment, so maybe that's not a very convincing argument). The magic for me at an amusement park is derived from the rush of the rides, the rush of eating a burger for three times its value, the rush of waiting in line for hours next to people that smell like mushrooms, and the rush of building a closer relationship with my phone. That's right. My phone. Magic Mountain last weekend provided me with all of these things, something Disneyland has never done.
At the beginning of the day, I experienced the Screamer ride with all its loopdy loops and silly twists. Since there was no line yet, my group decided to stay in our seats and ride it a second time. As our seats slowly clicked to the top of the ride, I realized my shorts had freed my cell phone from my pocket. I immediately mourned its loss by cursing the ride, my shorts, and my sorry life. As the roller coaster car clicked closer and closer to the top, the annoying people in the seats behind started yelling at me. I was about to curse them too, but then I realized they were shouting that my cell phone was wedged underneath a bar behind my seat, hanging on for dear life (bless its little heart).

Due to the constraints of the seats, I was unable to see behind me. I reached behind me quickly but could not locate it. With time running out and the car clicking to the top, I felt like the guy on the TV show that opens the ticking case and finds a bomb with ten seconds left and then somehow miraculously locates a pair of wire cutters that he just happened to be carrying and cuts the green wire (which just happens to be the correct wire even though everyone told him to cut the red wire). I decided to reach behind me again, this time using the force (and the shouts of the people behind me) to locate it. With less than twenty seconds left, I finally snatched my cell phone, saving it from a 30-foot drop that would have been its final resting place (since it seemed like nobody ever cleaned that part of the park). Then the ride stopped and the loudspeaker yelled at me for unbuckling my belt, which I did while I was panicking and cursing, even though it didn't help one bit to have it unbuckled. That kind of makes the story a little anti-climatic, but I learned a valuable lesson. It pays to curse when things aren't going your way. I'd like to say I learned not to take my phone for granted, but it would be hard to back that one up since I lost it again on another ride later in the day.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Trust The Man In The Cape

As Jerry Seinfeld so profoundly stated, "For us guys, being a superhero is not a fantasy; it's an option." Having watched many superhero cartoons and movies in my lifetime, I have come to the conclusion that there are people out there that have superpowers, and that aside from being born with powers the most likely way to get superpowers is to be exposed to radiation. Daredevil, the Incredible Hulk, and the Fantastic Four are just a few of the many who gained their fabulous powers this way.

You can probably understand my excitement, then, when I found out that I would have the opportunity to undergo radiation therapy for the brain tumor I had surgically removed six months ago. Today was that lucky day.

The preparation was a little strange but well worth it, considering the possible outcome. The neurologist, radiation oncologist, and physicist collectively numbed my face, punctured four holes in my head, and screwed on a metal frame that went around my head. Once the frame was firmly latched to my head, they proceeded to place different-shaped helmets to my head. I don’t know if my superhuman identity will have a helmet, but if it does I’ll definitely make it less bulky and awkward than the ones I wore today.

I was then shoved into an uncomfortable machine involving loud banging and other strange noises, but I hardly noticed any of the inconveniences because I was too caught up thinking about the possibilities of powers I might get. If I had my choice it would be the ability to read minds and the power to fly. I thought about the power to be taller, but that just seemed a little too unrealistic, and there would be no way to hide my identity.

Finally, the three doctors put a strainer-shaped contraption on my head and sent me into the radiation machine, which looks like a human incinerator. Fifteen minutes later they pulled me out, unscrewed my head frame using an industrial strength power drill that they probably bought at Home Depot, and sent me on my way.

I got my first superpower almost immediately – the ability to get a massive headache - although I noticed I was able to use my newly-acquired super strength… Tylenol to get it under control. My other abilities may take some time to manifest themselves, and I'm willing to be patient. But in the near future if you see a man running around in a cape, there is a good chance it will be me, so just smile and trust that everything is under control.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

I'm No Happy Gilmore

My boss recently has been kind enough to pay for golf lessons for me and a few of my coworkers. I’m actually pretty excited about the prospect of not sucking so bad at golf.

Right now my handicap is around 100, which basically means I have no idea what a handicap is in golf and how it is determined. But I’m sure they originally came up with the name after watching someone like me. I was videotaped during my second lesson, and if I had to critique my swing, I would say that I looked like I was having a weird seizure while holding a shiny metal object. My instructor was a little kinder than that and tried to point out the few good things I did, bless his heart.

During the third lesson, my coworkers were competing to see who could hit the ball the farthest. Not to be outdone, I pulled out my driver and gave it a mighty swing. The next thing I remember, everyone at the driving range was instructed to stop while I ran out to the 100 foot mark to pick up my driver head. I was still proud of the fact that it went 100 feet, which is farther than any of the balls I hit.

At the rate I’m going, it should only take about ten years before I’m good enough to play in public with other people. I can’t wait.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Be The Pretzel

A number of my coworkers engage in the absurd practice of Yoga. Anytime the conversation around the office gravitates towards that subject, I refrain from making too many comments in order to hide my complete ignorance. As far as I know, Yoga consists of a bunch of men and women in eighties aerobic outfits twisting their bodies into unnatural positions while meditating and chanting Chinese anecdotes. Rather than take the time to figure out what it is all about, I have always chosen to take the high road, which consists of simply judging anyone who participates. Recently I convinced myself to give Yoga a shot purely to enlighten myself on the subject. As it turns out I was right all along. Throughout the hour-long class I was twisted like a pretzel while the Yoga instructor morphed into Confucius and began spewing forth Chinese proverbs and other words of wisdom. I faintly recall her saying “be excellent to each other” at some point. It was a pretty strange and awkward experience. I'll probably only go once or twice more... this week.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Golden Tickets are Worth Their Weight in Paper

My brother Shaun decided to audition for American Idol this year. He auditioned way out in South Carolina for some strange reason, and was talented and lucky enough to make it to Hollywood Week. As great as that was, I could tell he was a little disappointed that when he got his “Golden Ticket”, nobody filmed his screaming tantrum as he ran out the judges’ door and tackled Ryan Seacrest with tears running down his face, yelling that he was on TV. A little ironic don’t you think, Shaun?

Hollywood Week aired yesterday, and while his few minutes of fame were overshadowed by Simon’s repeated and inappropriate comments about how handsome Shaun was, he did make it through all the cuts along with only 50 other potential rock/pop superstars - one of whom had a terrible audition, but maybe because he was living in his beat up Chevy and had no friends, they let him through.

At this point Shaun was feeling pretty good about his chances, although he had a few doubts when the three singers after him got “a million percent yes!” votes from Paula and he only got “one hundred percent yes.” How disappointing to only get a hundred percent.

For those of you out there who have been following the back story American Idol did on him during audition week as well as the follow-up story during Hollywood Week (see non-existent footage for more details), you’ll be sad to know that his hopes for American Idol fame came to a humiliating and depressing end as the judges forced him to wear a brown bag over his head and exit the premises. WARNING: SHAMELESS PLUG - Rather than dwell on the embarrassment I will undoubtedly face for having a brother that only made it to the top 50 on American Idol, I decided to listen to some music Shaun recently released. I found it to be much more enjoyable than most albums that have resulted from American Idol. Buy it at http://cdbaby.com/cd/barrowes5. If you want a hard copy of the CD, that will release in the near future.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Speaking of Great Cars

I recently bought a new car and now I'm falling in love all over again. My new model is younger, sexier, and brings more to the table than my previous model. But as wonderful as she is, she wasn't able to keep me from lusting after a sweet car parked in front of my house. Not only was it stylish and roomy, it was one fast car. I could tell because of the spoiler on the back and the custom rims. Man, what a sweet ride.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Better To Have Loved And Lost...

When I graduated from college and got my first real full-time job, I bought a great car. This car was with me for many years, through a lot of good times and bad times.

About three months ago a teenage girl was driving while text messaging on her phone and smashed her car into my parked car, totaling it. (God rest its soul). After saying my last goodbyes to my fallen friend and watching with tears in my eyes as it was towed away to its final resting place, I couldn’t help but think that I needed a girl as great as my car. She rarely asked for money (It was a 'she'). She never got jealous when another car caught my eye. And finally, when she died, she left me money to go find someone else. What I wouldn’t give to find a girl like that.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Love Boat

This past week I went on my first-ever cruise with a group of 300 Mormon singles to the Virgin Islands. Things I learned / observed:
  1. Having lots of gas isn't always bad - On the way to the airport my ride ran out of gas for the first time in his life (or so he says). We still made our flight, but it definitely made the car ride to the airport more exciting.
  2. Wet blankets don’t always spoil a party – I did a Bioluminescent Kayaking excursion in Puerto Rico. We were supposed to see the lake light up with little glowing plankton, but thanks to the full moon and recent rain you couldn’t see anything. However, the tour guides were kind enough to cover us up with large, wet tarps that allowed us to see the glowing plankton if we stuck our hand in the shark-infested water. The tour guides also told me to stop calling it shark-infested water.
  3. Everything can be fun – According to the Cruise director, everything we do on a cruise is fun. The fun shows, the fun days at sea, the fun buffets, the fun drunk people, etc… I think I even had fun while I was sleeping.
  4. Working out is overrated – I only worked out once all week, and I still had just as much success with the ladies as I always do.
  5. Chili cheese fries are delicious, even when you have them every day
  6. Monica Lewinsky is an ass – My friend Sara paid $2 in St. Thomas to sit on a donkey named Monica Lewinsky. We all got a picture with her. It was a special moment for all of us.
  7. Not everyone should cut a rug – Sometimes the music just moves me and I have no choice, but I really should resist the urge to step onto the dance floor. I look like a clown with big shoes and an oversized diaper. I’m not even sure what that means, but I’m sure you’d understand if you saw me try to dance.
  8. Ten-year olds have got nothin’ on me – Much like a ten year old, I still have a tendency to tell and laugh at poop jokes, repeat the same things over and over to annoy people, and take ridiculous pictures both with my camera and with any random stranger’s camera that happened to be left unattended. But unlike a ten year old, I’m tall enough to ride the water slide and I can steal their ice cream cone if I want.
  9. “No Child Left Behind” doesn’t apply on a cruise – I went 4-wheeling around the island of St. Maarten with a group of people from the cruise. My ATV got me back to the cruise ship in time, but four of my cruise buddies almost missed the cruise ship because their 4-wheeler broke down on the other end of the island. I was so nervous for them that I had the waiter bring me seconds of my breaded chicken, potato salad, and strawberry cheesecake with whipped cream and a cherry on top.
  10. It doesn’t pay to fake it – I decided to fake bake for the first time in my life so that when I got onto my cruise ship I wouldn’t fry. Mission accomplished! The only bad news was that I burned twice using the tanning bed before the trip ever started, which meant that I had to admit to people that I was using a tanning bed. And on a completely unrelated note, I’d like to thank the guy at the front desk of the tanning salon who decided how long to bake me each time. Maybe next time I do that I should go to a salon that isn’t called “Tan”.
  11. Not everyone looks good in a suit – I learned that some people don’t need alcohol to put their birthday suit on and streak across the main deck - to the horror and amazement of the unsuspecting victims.
  12. Nothing says America like John Denver – On the last day of our cruise, the crewmembers sang a heartwarming rendition of “Leaving On a Cruise Ship” to the tune of “Leaving on a Jet Plane”. While they were singing it, one of the crewmembers dressed up as the Statue of Liberty, which totally makes sense.
  13. Hulk need food and sleep or he smash things – On the final day of the cruise, me and my cabinmates woke up late while everyone else was disembarking. One cabinmate thought that if we didn’t get off in time we might go to prison. While I didn’t completely buy into that theory, I did hurry off the ship without eating breakfast. The rest of the day was a little fuzzy, but I think at some point I bit someone’s hand, yelled at an old lady, and ate part of a plastic bag. The details are a little hazy.
  14. Chicks dig a guy with a great personality – I saw this guy with a great personality get a lot of chicks. It was quite a sight.
  15. I'm not a butterfly - One of the guys on the ship told me to select the girls I liked and then "cocoon" them. I don't really know what that means but it sounds awesome.
  16. The party never ends – Almost a week later, I still feel like I’m rocking back and forth. I actually fell into someone at work a few days ago. They just thought I was retarded, even after I explained that I still had sealegs.
  17. Love is easy to find – I definitely found love on this trip. I fell in love with non-stop buffets, people who can throw down a mean karaoke song, and being lazy. Because of this I can definitely call this trip a success.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Still Waiting Room

The other day I went to a clinic to get blood drawn as a follow up to my recent brain surgery. It reminded me once again why I don’t like medical clinic waiting rooms. Other than the lady yelling for her hepatitis test, I don’t know what any of these people have. I’d like to say that I don’t want to know, but truthfully I feel it would be in my best interest to know so I can steer clear of any contaminated and potentially hazardous subjects.

Just to make sure nobody is comfortable, the room is too small to fit everyone. Every seat is taken and there are people standing in any and all remaining space. So while I patiently wait for my turn, I’ve got people breathing on me in front of my seat and a woman to my left who is coughing up a lung. After an hour of waiting, I’m tempted to pick up a magazine but the last person to read it had a weird rash on his hand. The good news is that by the time I get sick from one of these people, I’ll already have a doctors appointment scheduled to go over my lab results.